Bathroom Bliss

Before I begin to elaborate, its not what you think it is!


Jan 14th, 2009 (Uncensored)
I’m on a train starting from Ahmedabad to Bangalore, wondering what to do during this lonely 36 hour long journey. I’ve already had enough of magazines & music so I thought I’ll get down to writing.. but write what? Just then I came across someone singing in the train, asking me for immediate remuneration but I refused. Not because I didn’t want to but simply because I didn’t have any. I myself have not got any remuneration for my years of similar singing experience you see.

And that struck as the perfect topic for me. My journey of self discovery as a bathroom singer.

A precious little poingnant journey that goes back to when I was a 6 year old. Amma mentions (with great disdain) that i started with item nos. like “Amma Dekh aa Dekh Tera Mundaa Bigdaa Jaaye” (No, not as a dedication to her) & “Aila Upma Upma Item Gori Kali Kali?! (Definitely not anything related to her!), Main Khilaaadi Tu Anaaari!” Impressed, or rather to desperate to make me sing saner stuff , two years later she took me to a Mrs. Bannerjee who would be my Hindustani teacher for the next few months. She taught the essentials & to play the harmonium with my tiny little fingers (Note that I was 1/10th my present height then)

At school, in Lucknow, in our first class of such a kind, I remember a (com)passionate music teacher telling each one of us to sing a song of our choice for selections. One fat boy (maybe he’s slim now so lets call him Fatboy Slim hereafter). Fatboy slim stood up and sang “Wo Ladki Mere Saamne Mera Dil Le Jaay Jaay Jaay, Hai Hukku Hai Hukku Hai Hai!!“ shaking his pelvis the way Abhishek Bachchan does in Dus Bahane & every other movie ever since. Obviously he was selected. When my turn came, eager to impress him, I tried singing saner stuff, “Kooieee Hoota Jiskooo Apnaaa” reaching the lower notes, giving the impression to the human audience that I had dysentry. No wonder sir showed me the direction to the toilet later. How I wished I had stuck to my item no. style then. That was the first lesson I learnt in public - Be Yourself!

I continued to sing insane stuff all the while though. Probably not being able to take it anymore & even more desperate to change it all now, Amma took me to a Carnatic teacher 3 yrs down the line in Chennai. But I still loved the bathroom. There’s something so enticing about bathroom acoustics that you just cannot explain. Something like being in love say! Probably convinced that I was some insane music lover by now my parents, ever so lovingly, bought me a violin the next Children’s day. I was delighted & was so very eager to learn. It’s a different matter that I eventually didn’t & I feel so sorry for the fact that it still just lies in some corner today!

Teen years followed in Sharjah, where I would spend hours combing my already set my jet black thick hair in front the bathroom mirror for so long my parents would wonder if I had an eternal petu ka problem! By now a phenomenon who had taken up the music world by storm called AR Rahman had begun to enter my psyche with his enchanting music. And so had another man known as Sonu Nigam who had become an inspiration for most of us bathroom wannabes by then! And that meant more time in the bathroom; where I would imagine myself to be one like him; entertaining thousands in the audience (read girls ;)) with a power packed performance and a velvety soothing voice like his. Only one small difference, I brayed instead with my voice starting to break but I too had an audience. All those non human creatures in the bathroom. And also Arab nationals in the neighbourhood. Now I get why he took away our football while we played in the corridor!

I’m feeling too sleepy now but I hope to continue writing tomorrow. Its a different matter though if none of the stations on the way have any stationery to sell!